The DWDG Music Series: Volume 2

When at work on a Monday morning:

(PG) Anything by the great Daryl Hall & John Oates
(JP) Zero 7 - Destiny
(TM) Shontelle - Impossible
(JV) Jimi Hendrix - Machine Gun
(CN) Rolling Stones - Beast of Burden

When at work on a Friday afternoon:

(PG) David Guetta ft. Kid Cudi - Memories
(JP) R Kelly - Ignition (Remix)
(TM) Usher ft. Jay-Z - Hot Toddy
(JV) Fugazi - Birthday Pony
(CN) Marc Broussard - Rocksteady

STREAM THESE TRACKS HERE.

The DWDG Music Series: Volume 1

[We constructed a panel of 4 individuals across the country and ask them to give us their favorite song when given random situations. Their answers will appear regularly and you can check them out instantly. If you would like to join in the panel, email us!]

On a Saturday Night Out:

(PG) Sean Kingston – Fire Burnin’
(JP) Daft Punk – One More Time
(TM) T.I. - What You Know
(JV) Kid Sister - Control

On a Saturday Night In:

(PG) Kid Cudi – My World
(JP) Justin Nozuka – Be Back Soon
(TM) Kanye West – I Wonder
(JV) Benga - 26 Basslines

—Stream all of the tracks HERE.—

Welcome.

Welcome friends old and new. Take a deep breath. Breathe in this moment. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Now I can’t think of a better way to start off the new format than to act as a written contributor and spew out advice I’m in no place to give to my much-afflicted single fan base. So as I polish off my soapbox and lay it down in front of the masses, think of all the dating advice columns and magazine features you have read and so-called “real advice” from love experts with degrees in psychology and yadi yadi yada. You ever notice something? Their advice never works. Never. You know what does work? Bricks and mortar experience. Getting out there and getting your hands dirty in the single scene, walking back to your apartment with a few good stories.

I became a beaten-up veteran of the Chicago dating scene in a short 18 month span. On June 3, 2008, I moved to Chicago after graduating with only $400 to my name (but no significant debt thankfully). I had a job. I had a studio apartment. I had a blow-up mattress on the floor for a solid 3 months.

Yes. The single life.

By November 2009, I had gone on over 20 first dates, 5 second dates, and buffooned my way to well over 50 numbers. Believe me, that’s not me boasting.  But as you might see, the numbers are pretty indicative of my strengths and weaknesses with the opposite sex.

On one hand, I found out I was a horrible dater. On the other hand, I became a pick-up virtuoso. I was Brett Favre in the pocket slinging game from the hip. I was Mystery without my own book and VH1 deal. Me in a $5 tee and $30 jeans got more female attention than any Ed Hardy-wearing assbucket.

The funny part:  Have you ever see me in person? I’m not impressive. Not in the slightest.

So how did I do it? I cultivated theories and eventually exploited them. Every situation had a predecessor and I built my approach off that. That’s what I mean by having “brick and mortar” experience under your belt.  So without further adieu, here is my time-proven, war-tested advice for single men (and pretty much single women too). I GUARANTEE a number this weekend if you actually adhere to the principles and actually buy into the belief that it will work. I have no time or brain space for doubters. I’m not guaranteeing you can get anyone you want, but if you evaluate yourself honestly and pick targets “in your range”, this is fool-proof. So welcome to the new blog. And enjoy my 5 TIPS FOR THE SINGLE CO-ED.

#1
Bright Colors.  Brighter Results.
What is more boring than a guy dressed in a black and grey striped, untucked collared shirt with jeans and black dress shoes?  You might as well say, “I work in finance at an oversized bank with a title that makes no sense and I play on a softball team on Monday nights with my old frat buddies.”  Sure, if a girl is physically attracted to the guy, it’s less important.   But if you are trying to engage eyes from the opposite sex (male or female) in a social setting, do yourself a favor and start with the first and easiest step: wear bright colors.  Makes sense, right? Guys, you want to stand out in a sausage fest?  Don’t dress like the rest of the sausage.  Girls, your heels make absolutely no difference beyond a certain point.  And if you want to attract attention, the tank top and jeans look is basically the girls version of the sausage uniform described above.  Lose it unless you’re in a setting where your personality can immediately overshadow the lack of wardrobe creativity.

Brighter colors bring out natural features better like eye color, skin tone, curves etc. depending on the color.  Mix and match and find your best colors.  Then go out and buy a $5 tee in that color, a polo in that color, and a collared shirt in that color (tee, tank top, and dress/skirt for girls).  [Side Note for Guys:  Pay attention to fit.  Your mom might have gotten you XL for your whole high school and college wardrobe.  That doesn‘t mean she‘s right.  Although you run the risk of going too tight, no one from the opposite sex is going to say, “That oversized polo really sags off your arms well.  Can I put my purse in your sleeves?”]  Finally, on a personality level, bright colors mean you’re more fun than your dull-colored counterpart.  That brings me to my next point.

#2
Have fun.  Don’t just pretend you’re having fun.
No one wants to hang out with a guy or girl that looks miserable or bored at a bar.  Taking it even further, no one wants to hang out with a guy or girl who keeps looking around the bar hoping to catch some “incidental” eye contact.  If you don’t keep your attention within your table or standing circle of friends, you’re telling the whole bar, “We are boring as shit.”  You’re not only screwing yourself, you’re screwing over your friends too.  Don’t have good conversation fodder?  Start a disgusting game of Would You Rather? or argue over Top 5 lists (i.e. Top 5 Musicians of all time, Top 5 Hottest Girls on TV, etc.).  Then when someone approaches the group, you immediately have something to talk about.  And it’s entertaining.

#3
Roots to the Fruits
The second element to having fun and attracting the attention of the opposite sex is not being judgmental.  You have ugly friends you like hanging out with.  Why does every person you see out have to be attractive for you to talk to them?  Relax.  If a person that is “not really your type (wink wink)” talks to you in a social setting, the most unattractive thing you can do is be a douche bag or a bitch.  Give them a minute, smile, and if you’re not feeling it then leave or call in the cavalry.  To better understand, let’s examine this theory from the perspective of an outsider who might be interested in you.

GUYS:  Every guy who has ever had a girlfriend knows the truth.  Girls are more interested in you when you’re taken.  It’s one of the truths about girls that they can’t deny.  It’s never the be-all end-all.  But when dealing with the initial stage of attraction we’re talking about, you automatically hold a higher value in a woman’s eyes if you’re out with one or more females (no matter the looks).  This happens because 1)  Girls like to know that a guy is normal enough to engage a woman in conversation.  She’ll know that if she were to approach you, you wouldn’t start foaming out the mouth and slobber on her.  It eases her approach anxiety.  2)  Girls are competitive as hell.  And particularly when it comes to men.  I’m not in the business of understanding why.  It’s just another fact they can’t deny.  When a girl sees a guy she finds attractive, she sees the girl next to him and lists off all the girl’s flaws, convinces herself that she would be a better fit for you, and then wants to prove it to you given the chance.  It’s a bonus if you show some moxie and approach her, but I understand that’s difficult.

GIRLS:  When you’re out with a bunch of girl friends, men get intimated.  If you’re all huddled in a tight circle, it might as well be Normandy Beach for us (if you don’t know what that is, get your learn on).  When you’re with some guys, you would think that would steer off a potential suitor.  That’s not exactly true.  As long as you’re not with a bunch of dudes that are over your shoulder every moment, guys will find it easier to talk to you when your group has a guy friend or two.  When we see that a man has already breached the walls of your group, we feel automatically like we should be able to as well.  Just make sure you sneak away from your group a few times to grab a drink.  The worst thing girls do is stay together at all times (minus obviously for safety precautions).  When you get away from the pack for two minutes, don’t be afraid to attract some creepers or uggos.  Just smile, take the free drink, and try to exit as gracefully as possible.  Smiling.  Always smiling.  If we see you turn down an average guy with a nasty look followed by a “I’m way too hot for that guy” look, you’re not helping our confidence either.

So basically, the “Roots to the Fruits” theory hinges on two simple pieces of advice:  Don’t be judgmental.  And smile.

#4
Choose Your Wings Wisely
If you want to maximize your attraction potential, follow this rule.  When you go out, you are judged by your actions and the actions of your friends.  This may seem obvious, but I see this notion go down the drain every weekend.  Make sure you have wingmen or wingwomen that are willing to talk to “the friend” of a person to which you’re attracted.  Never expect them to hook up with the friend.  In fact, asking more than 30 minutes of a wing’s time is downright AMATEUR.  If you can’t get a subject’s attraction after 30 minutes of interaction, he or she isn’t into you.  Get over it and it’s On To The Next One.

Your wings don’t have to be better or worse looking, they just have to be up to the same standard of cleanliness and tidiness.  For guys, don’t bring wingmen with nasty beards (or unkempt hair of any kind for that matter).  For girls, just make sure your wing isn’t wearing mom jeans without makeup and you’re in a short, tight skirt.  

As far as the number of wings, 2-3 is all you want.  No more.  No less.  The more friends/wings that are around, the greater the probability that one says something stupid or ruins it for you by being too drunk.  If you have only one, it just comes off as awkward, especially when you’re breaking Rule #2 (Rule #2 is easier to follow when you have more people to engage in conversation or provide entertainment.)

#5 
NO DINNER FIRST DATES!!!
If you are fortunate enough to have employed my advice and get a first date with a guy or girl.  Absolutely do not go out to dinner on the first date.  Dinner encompasses the most variables that could go wildly wrong for you in such a short period of time.  The food could suck, you could wait a long time for a table, you might spill food on your clothes, you might not agree on a cuisine or certain place, you might have a bad waiter or waitress, and you have to prepare to talk with someone for at least an hour (which you pretty much never do when you’re dating someone unless you’re fighting.  So why do it on a first date?)  Cut it out completely.  Pick something where the variables are much more controlled and all you have to worry about is if he/she looks as good as he/she did when you were 8 beers deep last weekend.  My favorite suggestions are these:

a)  Wine Bar – If the guy or girl doesn’t like wine, it wasn’t meant to be anyway so no sweat.  If they do, there’s really only one choice that matters for 99.9% of the population:  red or white?  If your date picks the one you don’t like, suck it up.  It’s just wine.  Two small glasses later, you’ll forget that you cared.  And let’s just be honest.  Two small glasses later and it’s already much easier to talk to someone.  Wine bars are often cozier and better lit than restaurants and conventional bars.  There’s really no downside, unless they’re a recovering alcoholic.  Moving on!

b)  A Walk & Ice Cream – Call me an eight year old, call me old fashioned, I don’t know.  I have the best time on warm weather nights just walking around after dinner with some ice cream.  Although the main focus is talking in this date, it’s not like dinner for one very important reason.  The scenery changes and you can make little stops along the way so there should a lot of stuff to talk about.  Just make sure the walk is somewhere that is fun or visually aesthetic.  Don’t make it too late either.  Then areas get sketchy and intentions might get mixed up.

c)  Go See a Show (BUT NOT THE MOVIES!) – See something interactive and fun like a Cirque de Soleil show or an improv comedy show.  Just make sure you pair it up with an hour of drinks or appetizers before or after.  No dinner!!!

If you read it all, thanks… and you’re welcome.

Welcome to The DWDG Lifestyle.